$1 Million dollar bike on ebay. Well the Caveman Bianchi auction is over but the joy I got from the questions from the auction were priceless. The listing itself was record setting for me 3356 hits for the seven days. Here is the 19 questions and answers posted during auction.
Question & Answer
Q: OK, here is my take on evolution. A short caveman 1st owned this bike. He slipped one day and took a painful hit on this 63 cm frame. OUCH. No more reproduction for that caveman. End of the line for that guy, CYCLE broken, pardon the pun. What do you think?
A: Wow, you maybe a expert amateur evolutionary biologist/anthropologist. I can't wait for your thesis defense can I get a ticket? I have really enjoyed "selling" this bike, I think I would be disappointed to sell it now. The entertainment value may have exceeded the actual product value, I guess that happens often with modern marketing tactics. -Eric
Q: Would you consider free shipping with but it now? Ok, seriously I'm impressed that a caveman can get more auction hits ( 3000+ ) than a girl in a bikini- not that we've ever seen that on an auction!
A: Yes Buy it Now will qualify for free shipping. I am thinking a BIN will qualify for personal delivery from me. I just have not decided if I will ride the bike or drive it in a car. As for why a Caveman can beat a girl in a bikini, well that is a question for a psychologist with a doctoral degree. Glad to have entertained you. I think the bigger question is how you top a Caveman bike, that is going to be hard. -Eric PS. Why would this auction generate hate mail from user ZATCON? Theories please...Sad over paying over $500 for a brake set, Colnago cap and matching gloves too tight? Hates Cavemen? Afraid of Fixxies? Send me your theories...
Q: Can you tell me if a Caveman could actually ride this? If yes, would they use toe straps or clipless pedals? Was the wheel invented when there was people that lived in caves? Do you have a WSD Cavewomen bike? Would all of the hair that they have hurt them by not being super aero? Being so hairy how do they get their mustaches to not grow right below their nose? Signed...Cavepeople aficionado
A: Is this some sort of slight to Caveman's ability to balance and pedal at the same time? Of course cavemen can ride fixed gear bicycles. Not only that they actually were to the first to invent 29er mountain bikes too, yeah... Gary Fisher is one of them. As a point of fact the wheel was invented after cavemen moved out of caves, and had started building shelters that were free standing. As for a WSD Cavewoman bike, they don't exist, it is a bike, if you can get your leg over it you can ride it. There is even a Madison sling manuver that was invented by a cavewoman, but was later modified to be hand to hand sling instead of hand to hair sling, which was the original. Many of you modern type riders are a bit obsessed with your slim and shaved bodies, lets be clear it is POWER GENERATION that makes you fast not your glistening skin. Remember that next time you are sprinting to club a saber toothed cat. If you generate POWER you eat mastedon, if you don't the power mastedon eats you. Your last question was in regards to the hair growth on the upper lip. Well as you know cavemen have 99% of the same DNA as modern man. However there are small genetic differences that have changed over time, a caveman was more likely to be hairless under his nose to assist in cleanly ripping and tearing into animal flesh to feed himself, and therefore hairless under the nose provided cleaniless and greater survival in the harsh world he lived in. Thanks for your support of a greater understanding of cavemen worldwide and Cavemen Americans right here living with us. -Eric
Q: on the seriuos side how much is the listing price ebay charge you?
A: Yes, let's get serious. Ebay Selling is very serious bidness and you don't list items for sale for $1,000,000.00 USD on a whim. Let me tell you the expected fees for such an endeavor. First you have the listing fee if your start price is over $1000, then you pay $4.80 right there. Next is a Buy It Now feature which is an additional $0.25, Gallery photo $0.35. But wait, there is soo much more. When you sell your item to a rich heiress of the Oh Henry candy bar fortune then you have the "We want a piece of that sweet fixxie action" ebay fees. Well, that gem is going to cost you 5.25% of the first $25, then 3.25% to $1000, and 1.5% on the remainder to $1,000,000. All totaled the selling fees are a whopping $15,018.00. If you love math I think calculating eBay fees would be a great new hobby. The bike has not sold yet, but I will let you in a little secret, I paid only $0.80 to get my bike on eBay for $1,000,000.00, I can't tell you how, because I plan to corner the market with $1,000,000 bikes. Most likely in a year or so I will be ruling the world, not bragging, just stating the facts. -Eric
Q: --- ----!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A: I couldn't agree more. -E
Q: YOU ARE A ----!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A: Most people call me a B-------! Be careful overusing exclamation points, people might think you are unstable. -E
Q: how much for the picture of the caveman only ?
A: Digital pictures of the Caveman Bianchi are downloadable from my website. Right Click on the desired photo and select "save as". Then simply send me $5 each time you look at it or show friends. Showing the photos to your enemies is always free. If you just want to view the photos listed on my listing or my blog, then you qualify for a discount on $1 per photo per view. Excessive blinking or use of the refresh button(F5) can be costly, you have been warned! -Eric "Don't Blink, it 'ill Cost Ya" Brandt
Q: Wait a minuet- Did you mention a Strawberry Shortcake cruiser? We at GEICO are willing to "call it even" if you hand over the "SS" cruiser no questions asked.
A: Now the Gecko is willing to deal. I guess now the shoe is on the other super sticky foot. The more I think about it, with 2000 hits and promotion of the caveman, many people could be saving 15% or more on their car insurance. $1200 bucks a year per customer times 2000 customers, $2,400,000.00 more revenue. Looks like this "free viral marketing campaign" became the best thing in marketing since Adult Swims fake bombs in Boston. I'll take 10% and I'll be keeping the SS Cruiser, and the My Little Pony pull behind horse trailer. I know my rights. Best regards Eric "Huckleberry Pie" Brandt
Q: With the enactment of the Copyright Royalty and Distribution Reform Act of 2004 (P.L. 108-419), you will have to pay 33 percent of profits made by this auction to the GEICO insurance corporation for use of our advertising "mascot". We will make arrangements at auction close for the disbursment of funds. Thankyou and have a nice day.
A: Ahhh Crap. First I get seduced by a talking Gecko now this. Is that mention of the lizard another 33%? Now i'm starting to worry, my Tony the Tiger Fixxie and Strawberry Shortcake Cruiser may have to wait. Let me recheck my math. 33% for use of the Caveman, 33% for mention of Gecko, 10% for Ebay fees, 3% for Paypal processing, 25% spousal hassle fee charged by my wife. That leaves -4% left for me. Sweet. I will make up the difference in volume. -Eric
Q: Has this frame per chance been blessed by the pope? Alternately, can you get Imus to officially designate it a nappy headed caveman bike?
A: I am sorry to report the pope has not blessed this frame. In a matter of fact, I have it good authority that he does not believe in cavemen and is quite frightened of even the mention of such things. As for the "Nappy Headed Caveman Bike" designation I am happy to report Don Imus and Al Sharpton have jointly certified the bike to meet all the standard criteria for such a designation and the bike will be delivered with a certificate to commemorate the designation. Thanks for your question. -Eric
Q: Hi! I am a wealthy prince in Malaysia. If I wire 3,420,350 Ringgits into a Jamaican bank account and then have that money transfered to a US account to be held in escrow, will you have the bike shipped to my castle? Thanks!
A: Well this must be my lucky week, because I won the Australian Lottery too. I'm paying my first set of taxes via Western Union tomorrow. As far as the castle shipping, I would defer to your shipping agent. They are very popular in Nigeria and I have just come to expect this level of service. I am also in the process of transaction the Malwian Oil Minister's family fortune transfer after his untimely death at the hands of a rebel faction, so it might take me a bit longer than normal to call the Jamaican bank, using internet relay, to assist in the money transfer. I hope that will be okay with you. -Eric
Q: I don't have a mil, but have a collection of care bears and star wars figurines...nice bike anyway
A: This is about as tempting as the Ferrari Enzo offer from yesterday. I'm not into Star Wars, but the Care Bears give me pause. Love a Lot? Cheer Bear? Don't even say Tenderheart...is ti Tenderheart? I can't take it, I gotta take my cloud care to my therapist, right now. I'll have to get back to you.
Q: Hi, is that the original air in those tires, please? Thanks.
A: I guess when you buy a bicycle for a million dollars you would expect original air. I watch antiques roadshow too, I even cleaned off some of the years of cycling patina(sweat, rust, sports drink, blood). So I guess I should lower the price a bit. I see your point. In my defense the tubes contain Arizona air which is known to be some of the lowest humidity air available in the U.S. I was thinking of a follow-up auction for more of the low humidity cycling inner tube air, but I'm still waffling on a starting price and packaging method. Any suggestions? Thanks for your question. -Eric
Q: You have a very nice bike. Could you verify that there is adequate clearance for a kickstand?
A: Thanks for the compliment. I can verify that there is room for a kickstand. Given the rather high bid required I will include one with the sale. I have two styles, one that attaches to the rear wheel and one that has a more typical mount behind the BB. They are in good condition, but both are used. You didn't intend for me to include a new kickstand for a $1 million dollar bid now did you? If you win the auction and the fame that goes along with buying the worlds most expensive bike ever sold on ebay, I will include an instructional video on how to stand you bike using the pedals and avoid having a kickstand all together. Did that just blow your mind? Good. You had it coming. -Eric
Q: will you trade for a 2006 ferrari enzo?
A: Boy, you are persistent about trading for the car. Hmmm...I'm thinking you don't like your Ferrari or maybe you are trying to go cheap, because you think I can't Google the value of a 2006 Ferrari Enzo...Google says there is no 2006 Enzo but a production run that lasted from 2002-2004 and they are worth about $1 Million at auction. I guess if you throw in another $500,000 then we would have a deal. I am a bit worried though about the below Wiki entry. On February 21, 2006, Stefan Eriksson, a Swedish businessman with ties to organized crime, lost control of an Enzo Ferrari while allegedly intoxicated and driving at high speed along the Pacific Coast Highway in California. The car careened off an embankment outside Malibu and hit a pole at about 199 mph (320.61 km/h). The impact of the crash was so violent, it split the car in half and littered debris and engine parts for hundreds of yards. Despite this, Eriksson walked away with minor injuries. The crash led to an investigation which revealed an increasingly bizarre series of events surrounding Eriksson and the wreck. Can you confirm that you are not offering me Enzo Ferrari with a salvage title from this wreck? Thanks -Eric
Q: Do you take trade for a 2006 ferrari enzo?
A: Thanks for your interest in the Caveman Fixie. Before I commit to your offer I have a couple of questions are the tires new? I ask because the tires on the fixxie are new. Is the car black with white leather interior? That is my favorite. Does it require premium gas, 'cause regular is like $2.96 in my neighborhood, and the way things are going if gas is going to be $6.00 for premium well then I might just rather keep riding the bike. -Eric
Q: What is the name/year of this bianchi frame? Has it been repainted?
A: Dear Mega Fresh B-Boy Style, I got this bike from the original owner. The paint is original from what I can tell. Even the chips in paint on rear triangle show the chrome under the paint. The original owner said he rode the bike in Hawaii triathlons in mid eighties and the decals flaked off over time. I don't know the model name or exact year, but it was made in Japan and was outfitted with Japanese components, some which remain like the Dia-Compe brakes and Sakae bar, SR Apex crank and stem. The serial number is BS18444 in case you are good at such research. Thanks for your interest in the Caveman. Let me know if you have any other questions or special requests that I can do for you. -Mega Brazen Eric
Q: can i put a single speed/freewheel on it?
A: Yes freewheel is easy switch to make it a single speed. If you use the Buy it Now, I will install a freewheel instead of a fixed cog. I can also include the rear brake and an additional front chainring. -Eric
Q: That is the most beautiful bicycle I have ever seen. It is too large for me. Did you create the stickers yourself?
A: I cannot take credit for the pule that is the Geico Caveman. My dad gave me a bumper sticker that I sliced and diced to create that gem. It reminded me a head tube logo from Eddie M. Glad you enjoyed it. Keep those wheels safely rolling. -Eric